It is 2 AM and I am awake, beyond miserable with congestion. I feel as if someone has stuffed half a dozen cotton balls in each nostril and then sealed them with duct tape. I have already woken several times tonight with nose-blowing, until finally about thirty minutes ago I decided to do a sinus rinse, take more allergy medicine, and see if it helped. It didn't; I think it made it worse. I was back in bed, propped up with humidifier running (we had to borrow it from Luke's room-- his allergies have been so bad this week he ended up with an ear infection), gulping down air with my already-dried-up mouth and cracking lips. Cracking lips is what happens when you've been breathing with your mouth constantly for more than 10 days.
I literally feel as if this could kill me.
I know it can't, of course, but I imagine if I had lived a few hundred years ago, or were in some remote place that had never heard of these symptoms, this is what I would be thinking. Expecting, even. My body seems to hate me, and no amount of medication or remedy is offering any relief.
Last week I posted that I called the doctor after 4 days of worsening symptoms, and was put on the antibiotic Biaxin. That was a week ago today, and I am no better. Any other normal person would be feeling better sometime within 24 hours of starting an antibiotic, but not me. This is with the stronger of the two doses that I am aware of. We aren't talking Amoxicilian, either. Luke's "yummy pink medicine" ceased to be effective three years or about one hundred infections ago. I have moved up the ladder to a point where, I'm afraid, no antibiotic will work for me. I am maxing out on my usual cocktail of other medications as well. I been taking 24-hour Zyrtec daily, plus the occasional piggy-backing of a short-term antihistimine, as I did tonight, even though it is not recommended to add a similarly-acting drug while another is in your bloodstream. My other main, almost daily stand-by, Sudafed, is also floating in my system, although not as much so at night because it keeps me awake. During the day it gives me caffeine-like energy, which I need right now, and clears the airways to a degree of toleration. I have also been diligently rinsing once a day and popping vitamins, Fish Oil, high-end Probiotics, and lots of water.
As I am writing I feel somewhat better emotionally. I no longer feel that I might die. There is hope for me as long as I am reminded of a world beyond my physical misery. I only wish that there were some answers for me, especially to those "why" questions:
"Why does this keep happening? Why do I get an infection and it won't clear up with medication? Why am I experiencing extreme allergy symptoms right now (worsening congestion, itchy ears and throat, sneezing), despite having negative allergy testing multiple times over several years? Why has every possible medical explanation been explored and become a dead-end? Why did I get sick just one month after surgery? Why is my body so messed up when I have been healthy my entire life?"
And then there is the final "what" question that has been plaguing me ever since this infection started 10 days ago: "What if moving to Florida doesn't work. What if I am still sick?"
I just don't know what I, or we, will do if that is the case. I could look at the positive and appreciate the nice weather and beautiful surroundings. Or, as Jon has suggested recently, we get on some list, somehow, to get me into one of the best clinics in America so I can be studied full-time by a team of the smartest doctors, who will not stop until they have a diagnosis that will explain and cure my issues permanently. I don't know if that would even be possible, considering I am not suffering from a disease that will kill me. At least not in the literal sense.
We are moving in just a few short days, and we are trying to remain hopeful as we earnestly pray that it will work. My fantasy is that we will open the doors of the car in Southwest Florida, and I will suddenly be able to take a deep breath of that fresh, hot air, and smell the flowers and the ocean and my kids' hair, and never think about sinusitis again. But I know that won't happen, except by miracle, which I suppose I should add to my prayer list. Being a little more detailed about my request with God might help, perhaps. But what I expect, from my experience with this, is that it is going to be an battle yet. Hopefully the clean air will be on my side, and this sinus infection can clear up for good within a short period of time. I hope so, because one thing I have not done is to look up a doctor in the area. Though I guess I should, at this point. So now I will go back to drinking my hot tea and hope I can get sleepy enough to not be bothered by all the congestion and pressure.
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