Looking Back on 2012

A phone call with a dear friend has prompted me to (finally!) post an update on my blog.  As I explained to her, I had needed to take a break from the blogging in order to focus completely on my healing, and it was worthwhile.  Looking back at my last post, I realize a lot has changed since April.  As of today, I would say that I have finally broken the endless cycle that I was in for over five years.  Not that I am completely without problems, but when I do struggle with my symptoms, I am able to implement changes to my diet, routine, or add a medication and my body will respond and get back to a normal point.  In the past, once I started to "crash," nothing could stop the derailing train. 

Much of my healing has come through the move to Florida.  I believe that for me, reducing the exposure to extreme weather changes (particularly the cold), has allowed my body to recover.  The clean air we experienced while living on the Gulf Coast was amazing for my nasal passages, as were the frequent trips to the beach and swimming in both the ocean and our saltwater pool.  I rested a lot.  I limited my social commitments to almost nil, and slept a good deal more than is recommended.  I struggled with severe fatigue until late May or early June, when I connected with an amazing woman from our church who counseled me in both nutrition and emotional wellness.  While I knew my illness had a connection to stress, I never knew how much it played a role in my health issues until Michele gave me some much-needed insight.  With her help, I went on a dietary detox and found my energy returning within days.  Days led to weeks of living without the fatigue, even when I gradually returned to a more normal diet.  I fully believe that Michele helped guide me to both physical and spiritual healing, and that although it took almost an entire year, by the time we left Cape Coral I finally had found the complete healing that we had come for.

By that time, we knew we wanted to stay in Florida but decided to settle down closer to a city.  We had to trek back up North to close on the sale of our home there, while still not knowing exactly where we wanted to live in Florida.  Moving out of our rental home into a storage unit three hours away was not an easy task, but we were glad we did that when, a few weeks later, I experienced the worst asthma attack of my life while staying in PA.  It was a day of high heat and humidity, worse than any I had experienced in Southwest Florida, and, combined with what I believe is my body's sensitivity to the conditions of the local environment in that region, I had a severe reaction.  Unfortunately, I was back on the couch, without energy and without a plan of how to get back to Florida.  Thankfully, God once again was with us as we looked into renting an apartment in the area where we thought we wanted to settle, and our plans once again came together rather seamlessly.   Despite planning to spend an indefinite period of time visiting with our friends in our old community, we left in rather a haste as I was still recovering.

We now are back in Florida, in a beautiful, friendly town where we met many lovely families and friends. It took several months of house-hunting while homeschooling the three children (and Jon working) out of an apartment before we finally landed back into a home of our own on October 24, 2012.  Jon took another trip to PA in November to get the rest of our furniture and belongings, so that we are finally truly settled into our new home. 

It took a year and a half of living a gypsie's life of wandering, but by the mercy of God we are home again, at last.  Truly we have so much to be thankful for as we look back on 2012.  At the beginning of this year much of our life was uncertain: where we would live permanently, whether my health would ever improve, and many other questions that lingered.  Now we can look back and praise God for his wonderous work in our life as a family.  There are still a lot of questions and aspects of our life that remain uncertain.  Even my health being strong is not a guarantee. 

Over the course of the year I was given a more concrete diagnosis and explation for my ongoing sinus struggles:  Samter's Triad.  Another name for it is AERD (Aspirin-Exacerbated Respiratory Disorder).  In fact, this blog helped to connect me with a group of individuals suffering from the same cluster of symptoms that can overtake one's life.  I am thankful that for the moment mine are under control, but it is something that I will live with likely for the rest of my life.  I have to be very careful what I eat and how I spend my energy, but no where is it near the point where it was even six months ago.  I am back to running again, which feels amazing (last spring I tried to go from walking to running but it would wipe me out for days; now I have no reaction other than the normal soreness if I push too hard).  I can enjoy foods I love, in moderation and while listening very carefully to my body for signs that I am having a reaction.  Most of all, I am so thankful for the energy that I have again, which allows me to enjoy my kids on a daily basis, and not just from the perspective of the couch!  It is such a priviledge that I have this year to be teaching them at home, with the help of an amazing homeschool community that has become like family to us.

I pray that 2013 continues to bring us good health.  But I also pray that I will continue to be challenged enough by my circumstances to remember to put my faith--and my trust, my strength, my very self--into the hands of our Lord. 

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;...

I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."

Psalm 63: 1-3

Spring Update

With Easter weekend approaching, I have been reminiscing a lot lately about where I was a year ago.  So much has changed in one year, and yet, so little.

It was this time last year that we packed up the three kiddos and headed South for the long journey to Florida. In the course of a two-day visit to Southwest Florida, we picked Cape Coral as the place to settle down for our year of respite and healing, then drove the 9 hours back to Hilton Head to spend Easter with my family there.

This year, we are celebrating a much quieter Easter right here in Florida, with good friends and almost no driving.  I am not as sick as last year, but I am also not as healthy as I had hoped I would be at this time.

It was a great winter, though.  The weather could not have been more perfect: sunny days, breezy warm air, perfect for leaving the windows open.  My last official sinus infection was in November.  I ended up being on a nasal nebulizer treatment for three weeks, three times a day which knocked out the bacteria that had likely been making me sick since we moved in July.  After Thanksgiving, I felt great!  We decided to celebrate the starting-to-heal me by taking the kids to Disney for a weekend in early December.  It was a blast!  I did have to take it easy, as my energy levels were still low.  Afternoons were still my low point, when achiness would hit and a rest was necessary in order for me to have the energy for the rest of the evening.  So we didn't quite "conquer" Disney like I wanted to, but we had a pretty full day, and it was definitely magical.

After Christmas, my energy somehow began to come back.  Probably because we had Jon's parents here for more than a week and I got so much help around the house, plus lots of extra sleep!  What a blessing it is to sleep in past 7 am AND wake up to have the kids all fed and dressed!  Plus, I met a new friend who put extra sparkle in my life and gave me a reason to at least try to be more friendly and get out of the house more.  This combination of rest and friendship, along with having finally cured a very stubborn infection, sent me along the recovery path I had been hoping for. Most of January through March I was my old self again!  A miracle, truly!  Pain and fatigue was gone, sinuses were clear, I was not exhausted in the afternoons. Amazing. Granted, my life was still very low-key, but that is my new life.  I have to pace myself, even when I am feeling well.

The past few weeks have not been going as well.  I went to the ENT twice before and after our March trip back to Disney with Jon's parents, and both times he said I did not have an infection (even though I felt like I did).  My asthma is bothering me, and while I don't have pain, I am fatigued.  I guess this is what is prompting me to write again, mainly so I can keep track of my own story and be reminded of why we live here, and what work is still left to be done in regard to regaining my health.

I am now looking again more closely at the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome diagnosis.  At this point, I am told I do not have sinusitis, so there has to be more going on.  I haven't been on any special diets all winter, so I am going to look back into that area, as well as start taking all the supplements recommended by the CFIDS experts.

Compared to a year ago, I am SO much healthier than I was.  But I still have a long way to go.  I had a taste of the "old me" for a few months this winter, and it was wonderful.  I know that good health is possible for me, which gives me hope.  God is good, and He is directing our every step as we continue to trust that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, right now, today.  The hard part is trying not to look back, and especially not too far forward.  I am thankful for each day that I have the health I do have, for family and friends, for three beautiful children who bring me such joy, and a wonderfully caring (and cute!) husband that makes me feel like the most special woman alive.